Poem By Emmanuel Ortiz

Check out this awesome poem! (The other ones on the same page are also nice.)

It's called "A Moment of Silence".

http://www.seeingblack.com/2003/x020403/poetry_feb.shtml#ortiz

I will think of a title when I'm done writing this.

I would like to note that I know how irresponsible it is to do this during finals. But you know what? I'm done studying and I can't sleep. I am nocturnal sometimes. Leave me be!

So my uncle, his wife, and their daughter are moving sometime this month. Jennifer is graduating from the Law School, and they're going to Chicago. My uncle is going to film school there, and she's taking the Illinois Bar Exam. Am I sad? Of course. But I decided I'm not going to show them I am. I think it'll make it worse. This uncle and I are very close. We are really similar in the way we look at a lot of things. We are on opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to some issues, but he's the only one that gets it sometimes. I like a lot of his opinions. Sometimes people don't need a lot of deen to renounce materialism and superficiality. He's a cool person.

But I'm more sad about this one:

Yafa, named after a city in Palestine. (My uncle is really lucky he didn't name her Jenin, because I totally reserved that like 4 years ago.) She is messy and moody and has a lot of spunk. That is why I love her. She looks exactly like I did when I was her age. And she can totally bust a move for a 2 year old, just like I could :P

Enough about my family. Onto the brain regurgitation!

For one moment I would like to lament about something. I'm currently using my favorite bag in the world. It is comfortable and I love it. But, it's starting to rip on the inside, to an unrepairable point. I love this bag, remember? And it cost like $11. Which is why it's probably ripping, but while it was alive, it served well. I think I'll stop using it, but I'll keep it in my closet. Poor bag :(

So looking at some of my friends' blogs, namely Katie and Ramla's, I have decided that mine is pretty worthless. You will not gain any academic/political awareness from it. For this I apologize, and direct you to the nearest newspaper. Sorry.

Katie just sent me this link. It's pretty disturbing. I don't know how any human with any conscience can do this. Subhanallah, may Allah give every oppressor what they deserve, in this life and the next.

http://hotzone.yahoo.com/b/hotzone/20060320/hz_afghanistan_0306/blogs2986

"Child Bride-
Married at the age of four, an Afghan girl was subjected to years of beatings and torture, finally escaping to discover that within all the world's cruelty, there is also some kindness."

If you read this, make dua for her by name please. JAK.

I Need a New Job

I mean I'm glad I have one, Alhamdulillah. But let me tell you something. People are weird. I work at a photo place. Meaning I develop and print pictures and do lots of digital stuff. Really fun, I love it. Until I factor in some things. These are:

• People who tell me how to print/People who think they know how to use the digital stuff.
• Pictures that people should be arrested for.
• Opening in the morning.
• Draining the machines.
• CHANGING PAPER
• The new sales program just recently implemented. Ick.
• People who don't understand the concept of copyright laws.
• CHANGING PAPER
• Our new alarm system.

Let me start with the worst. Someone who is skilled in taking pictures comes in and is very specific as to how they want things printed. Totally fine, if you know what you're talking about. Mad props. But if you don't, please stop. And when I make a suggestion, just remember that I work here and I sort of know what I'm doing, otherwise I would be fired. I have to restrain myself from laughing sometimes, so save me the awkwardness. The other one, which we all hate, is the person that walks in and goes to the digital kiosks, and when we greet them and ask if they need help, they say NO, very adamantly, because they know what they're doing. 20 minutes and 40 edited pictures later, they select the wrong option and ruin the entire order. Pride, dude. Just let me help you, I'll just show you and you can mess with it all you want. And then when they need help, that non-existant smile appears and they say, "There's something wrong with this machine!". No, my friend, there is naught wrong.

Pictures are a whole other dimension. Oh man. I think the most disturbing ones are vanishing from the realm of 35mm film, because of the digital revolution and whatnot. You get it. BUT, for some odd reason, I always get pictures of dead people. Just today, I got a whole roll of someone taking a picture of their dad in his hospital bed. Are you really gonna look at those?

Changing paper....Wow. Let me just say that it is easily the most terrifying experience in my daily life. I am sooo afraid of the dark, thanks to the many jinn stories I've heard. I know, lame, but I try sometimes. Sometimes I think I'm really tough and I'm like "Whatever man, I only fear Allah!", and I grab the paper canister and new roll of paper and walk into that darkroom like it's nobody's business. Sometimes I make it out of there fine, other times, I'm frantically rushing to get everything done, and the minute I lock the canister, I flip on the light and open the door and run out. Loser is right.

Copyright laws: No, I will not just let you do it yourself. You can't play technicalities with God. Sheesh.

I'm done complaining! Woohooo!

(I know there's more but I just [like right now] got over it.)

For a good month and some days now I have been thinking about how to start this. I have decided to start by saying that I don't know what to say. I have no idea what this is about, and I have so many random thoughts flowing around that I'll try to get them down in an organized fashion. I'm a firm believer in organized messes. Speaking of messes, I have a really big problem with dirty, but I'm usually ok with messy. To an extent. This creates problems. I live downstairs with my brothers, and that's where they hang out usually. Really, I'm pretty easygoing, but when they get gross, I freak out.

Speaking of freaking out, today I was driving and someone almost merged into me on the highway. NOT a good feeling, especially when I'm playing music, and I get this realization that the last thing I could've ever heard was Common. That just sucks :(

Along the lines of suckage, my dad went to California for work today. He will be gone for a week, and I will be bored for a week. He is so cool, alhamdulillah. Especially for a FOB. I can honestly say he's my best friend. He is incredibly intelligent, and thinks ahead of his time. I learn lessons from everything he does, and I really trust his judgement. When I was sick, I used to make him drive to Maplewood all the way from his work in Eagan at lunch to come hang out with me, and he never said no. Parents are so amazing. I can say how amazing I think my dad is, but I can't put into words how I feel about my mom. I just pray that heaven is awarded to her before any hissab. She deserves it, mashallah.

Speaking of sick...subhanallah. If anyone is going to believe in the power of dua, and the mercy of Allah, it's me. Alhamdulillah a million times. If I could go through everything all over again, I would. It's an amazing experience that I am SO blessed to have gone through, no matter how hard it was at the time. Allah can bless us in the most unexpected and unbelievable ways. It really showed me that we have to trust Allah. This dunya sucks sometimes, and If you don't have faith, it sucks even more. We sit here and worry and think and plan and run around without stopping to think about Allah. We definitely should tie our camel, but we have to know that all khair is from him. Alhamdulillah.

I know a lot of people who have this problem. Girls, mostly. This innate need to worry until they get wrinkles or get sick. I think it's really sad. Don't get me wrong, I'm really OCD about things like being on time and making sure things run smoothly and thinking ahead, but I don't let it ruin my life. Does that make sense? I didn't think so. Sorry!
Summary: Worrying is so 8 months ago :) Allah's got your back! Inshallah.

Speaking of having backs, did I ever mention how much I despise when people talk smack (pardon the ebonics!) about other people? And when people talk about other peoples' business? Like when someone tells me a secret about someone else, it REALLY makes me think. If they are missing the thing that would make them stop from telling me this secret, how do I know that they won't tell people my secrets? I really think that if someone tells you something, it needs to stop with you, unless you have EXPLICIT permission to tell others. That's just basic courtesy, and most importantly, being Muslim! It's such a big part of our deen to be trustworthy people. And I give the basic disclaimer, I say this to myself first :) Wanna know what really bugs me? Oh man, this irks me SO bad. When you're sitting somewhere with some people, and the first thing people think to do at separation is talk about people that were there. Oh man, so obnoxious. It just sucks. I really want to tell people to shut up sometimes, but that would not serve any dawah purposes. What happened to 73 excuses?!

Subhanallah, look at this wisdom. Even after you have created 73 excuses (which you most likely will not), you should say Allahu A'lam. Think about this concept. I know it's hard to implement, but if we are constantly reminding ourselves that we have to do this, eventually we will improve (in some way or another) in our dealings with others.

Ok, I think I'm done now. Next time I'll be more organized inshallah. Hopefully I'll have a prompt, so I can focus.