On Being a Girl...

If you know me at all, you know that I have a lot of theories. Most of them are pretty inaccurate and just a creative way for me to understand things, and sometimes I'm miraculously correct about stuff. One of the theories I am very protective of and adamant about, however, is that a girl is defined by her relationship with her dad: biological or father-figure.

Now when I say "girl" I mean a lot of things she possesses. I'll list them:

• Self-Respect
  
• Confidence & Self-Esteem
  
• Social Behavior
• Assertive vs. Aggressive
  
• Interaction with other males
• Problem Solving Skills

One may initially wonder, "Why is it the dad, and not the mom?". I would argue that while the mother directs the personality and sets an example of how the daughter should be, her interaction with her father is what sets the stage for how she regards herself. In weird theory speak, this means that in this certain area of her existence, she is a product of her relationship with her father.

What this means is simple. Part of a female's identity and self-perception is how she sees her self in relation to other men. Her father, being the first male figure in her life, is essentially the one that sets the stage for how she will deal with this identity-relation her whole life.

If a father respects his daughter, theres little to no reason she won't feel like she is worthy of that respect from everyone she encounters. On the flip of that, if a girl isn't respected by her dad, it gives her the impression that it's ok for her to be disrespected and perhaps not find anything wrong with people not treating her how she's supposed to be treated. This is how so many women will find it reasonable to stay in an abusive relationship. Just as they loved their dad when they were younger and still loved him throughout bad treatment, they will love the person they're with.

One of the most important and definitive things about being a female is her self esteem and confidence. There are so many facets to a girl's personality, but I feel like this one is the kicker. The core of all problems and solutions lies in this. I'll give you an example. I know girls who are unbelievably attractive, by all social norms and standards. Within that group, there are always the girls who just don't see it. It's like an anorexia of image-always a skewed perception of what the reality is. They will never ever be pretty enough, or look the right way, or have the right features...There's always something wrong. The solution to this is actually the biggest problem I see. Not only is it drastic measures and lifestyles to find that haven of "beauty", but it's also the need for male attention and reassurance of their looks. Promiscuity has to start somewhere, and I staunchly make the claim that this is where it starts. If a girl didn't hear from her dad that she was pretty, that she didn't need to be pretty by normal standards to be as such, and that being pretty is not everything, then this is the road she's headed on. She will constantly seek this from other males and the reassurance and confidence she is lacking will never come from within, and thus, is static and impermanent.

On the other hand, there are girls who are not the most attractive, who aren't good looking by social standards, who don't possess any extraordinary physical features, that are completely satisfied with who they are and what they look like. It's not an unhealthy delusion, rather an inculcation in this girl, by her father, that her worth doesn't come from her comparison with other people, especially when it comes to looks. To any stable father I've known, including my own, their daughters are literally the most beautiful girls in the world. Now when a dad conveys this to his daughter, just like respect, it sets the stage for how she views herself and how she lets other people see her.

I think it'd be much too long of a post to go into detail about each of these things, but I hope these examples gave an idea of what this theory basically means. Whenever I see a girl acting a certain way, stressing about something specific, or just how she interacts with males, I know and believe that this is a manifestation of what she learned by her interactions with her dad. So just as important as it is for a mother to be a part of shaping her daughter's identity, I'd say its twice as important that a male understand his role and impact he has on his daughter. They say that a girl will always look for a guy that has the same characteristics of her dad, and I think that's definitely the case when he has played a healthy and supportive role.

So, in conclusion, I still believe this theory. There are perhaps lots of examples of families and lives where this isn't applicable, but I'd say the norm definitely outweighs the exceptions. But the real conclusion is that girls are very complex and if parents and society understood the importance of identity shaping at a young age, a lot of deadly and sad situations would no longer be a part of everyday reality for women.