Truth and Falsehood

Allaahumma arinal-haqqa haqqan warzuqnat-tibaa3ah, wa arinal-baatila baatilan warzuqnaj-tinaabah, bi rahmatika yaa arhamar-raahimeen.

Oh Allah, show us the truth as truth and bless us with the following of it, and show us falsehood as falsehood and bless us with the distance from it, by your mercy the most merciful of merciful.

I make this dua in almost all of my prayers, and it's one of those that I really feel and mean when I say it. I want to know truth, I want to know what's right, and I want to be surrounded with it, and its people. I don't want to be naive to what's going on around me, and I certainly don't want to be surrounded with untruths, whether hidden or exposed. I definitely don't want to be around people that aren't honest with the people around them, or most importantly, themselves. Then again, this is all at the risk of sounding self-righteous, and implying that I have never been guilty of such actions - something that's not true.

Lately I haven't had patience or sympathy for people....at all. Normally, this is a flaw of mine that goes into relapse and remission, but lately it's been intensified and magnified. I know I'm definitely taking the wrong route by actually being bothered by it, but for some reason I can't find the strength to overlook anymore. They say that the opposite of love isn't hate, it's apathy. I am desperately trying to cling onto the rims of love, at the very least swaying myself towards hate...but the vacuum is pulling me into apathy.

It's not the end of the world, but in realizing that for the rest of my life I'll be surrounded by people and their dramas, self pity, lack of God fearing, anger, and meanness, makes me seriously want to move to an obscure city and live alone until I die. I'm failing this test and not only do I not know how to pass - I don't even know if I want to.

The other tug on my heart is how unfair I'm being. I'm human too...I do my fair share of the things I hate, so who am I to judge? I'm no one, and it's not fair. I used to think I was really blessed to be able to see through people and really gauge who they are....and I still think I'm blessed, but I just realized that I'm not being responsible with it, cause it's yielding an impatience that I've never felt in my life. Maybe I should stop looking so deep and just keep things simple, take them for what they are. It'll definitely be a paradigm shift because when I care, I really care, with or without reciprocation. I sadly am starting to rethink this.

Make dua for me :)